12:10 AM Sunday Day 21

I am sitting here in bed looking out the window at the hospital that Zoe is in.  Carmen and Katelyn are sound asleep and Isaac is snuggled up next to me.  A few moments ago he just rolled over and started crying.  I asked him what was wrong and he just pointed to the hospital.  For those of you who know Isaac it takes a lot to bring him to a point where he can’t find the words needed.  He couldn’t speak through his tears and as odd as it sounds I just hugged him and smiled.  The thought that I had was, this is what being alive is about.  I’ve watched different people from different belief systems and different social classes come through this house in the last three weeks.  Each of them sorting through an array of emotions the best they know how.  Isaac has been enthrolled by the extra attention and change of pace.  I’ve had to talk to him about why we are here more than once.  I knew he was just coping in his own way, but tonight the layers he had built up fell down and all that mattered was his “little brother.”  He and I are waking up extra early tom to spend some time with Zoe. 

Everyone deals with hard times in their own way.  That’s not really a big deal as long as they deal with them.  For Carmen and I all we can do is walk in what we understand and that is grace and mercy.  This room is small, there are two twin beds pushed together and the only person in my family not piled on right now is Zoe.  What a complete and totally chaotic scene it would be to have him here with us.  Whatever God’s plan I am praying and believing for that opportunity.  King David went to bring the Ark back from Obed Edom because he saw the blessings that were being brought to Obed’s house.  Those blessings were children.  David goes and breaks out in worship, you know the story… David strips down to an ephod and dances.  They take six steps, stop and have a worship service, then take six more steps and do it all over again.  David is pretty excited about the blessing, but his wife condemns him and God curses her womb to be barren.  This is a great encouragement to me because there is no greater treasure than my children and Zoe is no exception.  I praise God continually, every six steps… Well maybe not every six, but those who spend anytime around me know there is always a song on my lips… Even if it is off key, it is a joyful noise.  I love God and Praise Him for He is worthy!

God is till at work in Zoe’s life and I am still believing for a miracle, for total healing.

Here are a few pictures from today… Zoe is looking so good… I have also uploaded new videos to www.youtube.com/shiftcommunity

1:00 AM Saturday Day 20

I want to do something a little different tonight.  First of all I know that there are those everywhere who see and or hear what is happening on a daily bases and don’t see it the same way we do.  I am ok with that because I am not believing for them to see what we see.  Instead I am taking each day, hour, and minute believing for the healing of Zoe.  There are so many questions that I deal with about faith everyday.  Questions that I have never even thought of before.  If there was a instruction manual that told me step by step how to have, share, and act out faith I can assure you Carmen and I would be major stock holders in the company that owned the rights.  The truth is there is not.  It is challenging to be around people who don’t see what you see.  That makes your comments all the more powerful because so many of them encourage our faith.  I still don’t know what God will do in the end, but I know He will recieve and is recieving all the glory from Zoes life. 

Saying all of that this is how Carmen and I see it….

Day 1.. Doctors tell us that it’s not good, Zoe is very sick and may not make it.  To put this in perspective they were asking how soon Carmen could get there and if it were possible for her to get an early discharge.  The condition of Hydrops takes approximately 90% of those affected.

Before….

After….

Quite a change…

Last week we are told that there is over a 90% chance that Zoe will never see.  His eyes were in such bad shape that we were told it could not be repared.  There was no chance of a surgical repair at anytime in his life.  Today we are told that something happened that can’t really be explained.  You see his eyes are well 90% resolved.  This is a big deal.

The doctors have done several scans on Zoe’s brain and the most recent shows three areas of damage.  Two of which are inoperable to our understanding.  We have been praying for total healing as we know many of you have.  Please pray for Zoe’s brain to be healed, totaly.  What the doctors can not do we committ to God and place in His hands. 

To end, I want to say that God is also moving in other lives through Zoe’s life.  We have seen so many people voice there faith alongside ours.  We have been told of people who are encouraged to pray like they never have before.  We have even had the oppurtunity to pray with several families in tough situations here.  The thing is that we aren’t walking around trying to get people saved or convince them of the worthiness of our cause and our beliefs.  Instead we are just walking out what we believe and God is doing the rest.  Only God can move through so many different people in a situation.  He is so Glorious and Worthy.  Zoe’s site has seen people from 17 countries visit.  Not to mention thousands from the states.  I am thankful that so many care for our son and that they are stirred to stand in faith alongside us.  God is at work, I can not deny, I can not hide, I am not ashamed of it. 

Did I mention he’s off all of his IV drips…

Carmen’s thoughts day 19

When I was in jr. high I ran track, it was something that I loved and hated both at the same time.  I loved setting new records (I did short distance sprints and high jump and long jump) but I hated the pain of muscle cramps and working out.  At practice our coach would do this really cruel thing where he would make us run a certain distance for warm-up, then make us sprint up a hill, jog back down, and repeat until he blew his wistle.  Sometimes the pain would be so severe in my legs that I would focus on listening for his wistle to blow and I would lose focus on trying to improve my time and my strength.  When my focus was on listening for his wistle, my time would be slower than when I was focused on improving myself and preparing for the track meet.  Yesterday I remembered the painful practices back in 1991 at Kansas City Christian School.  I was tired and mentally, emotionally drained.  It was difficult to focus on anything at all.  I know I’m not alone, we all have days like that, so you most likely know what I’m talking about.  My husband, Jim, is fighting a head cold right now so he was also not at his best.  Despite that, he kept the kids alot while I visited Zoe.  He also cleaned our bathroom and room, including changing and washing our bedsheets.  Let me pause right now and say praise God for a wonderful husband who is aware of helping in those ways, I really am blessed.  This morning I woke up to a beautiful, sunny day and none of my family was awake yet so I ate breakfast outside on the patio while I read a bit.  I have been trying to read the Psalm and Proverb that corresponds with the date of each day, and that’s what I read this morning.  (I read chapter 27 in each, later to realize that today is the 29th.  My excuse is that I’m not a morning person, plus the fact that all the days have run into one big blur since we’ve been here…that’s all I got…).  What amazed me was what David says in Psalm 27 verse 4, “One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:  that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.”  Immediately I began to hum the tune of “Better is One Day” in my head.  Notice here that the one thing David is asking for is not followed by personal gain for him or a request to suit his own selfishness.  The one thing is that he wants to give all his energy, time, and effort to find the presence of the Lord because there is value in that.  Then verse 5 says, “For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.”  David understands who his lifeline is, it is God, and the BEST place he can be is in God’s presence.  When he says “day of trouble” he understands those days are bound to come, yet he will not be shaken loose of his source, he will be safe, God is his Rock.

Being in God’s will and living for Him has no promise of a pain-free life.  It does however have a promise of strength and peace.  In God’s presence is where we find our strength.  Believing His word is what gives us life.  Zoe has “life”, his lungs are working.  I pray that he may be able to experience the beauty of life, the love, joy, and peace that makes life wonderful and beautiful.

Friday 3:50pm day 19

Hi, it’s Carmen.  Today we got some exciting news that we are thrilled about.  I went to visit Zoe this morning and the nurse said I would probably want to talk to the eye doctor so she got him on the phone for me.  He was very enthusiastic while we were speaking and he said the results from this morning’s eye exam on Zoe was “remarkably improved”.  He said the results were “dramatically different” than the eye exam last week.  The fluid behind the eyes is gone, though there is still some blood there, but the problem with the retina was “90 percent resolved”.  The result last week was that  our child would not see, and if he did see anything at all it would be very minimal.  Last week the report was that the retinas were detached and damaged, he believed by a virus or somthing to that extent.  He told me today that our son WILL see.  We need to wait and find out what Zoe’s brain is going to do to determine the extent of eyesight.  Previously we asked for everyone to pray specifically for Zoe’s edema (swelling) to go away.  Within days of that request, the swelling reduced and has been gone ever since.  We understand from what the doc says that his albumin (blood protein that was lacking) is normal level now.  Praise God for that accomplishment, we are in awe of what God can do and how He is causing Zoe’s body to grow and do what it is supposed to do.  We request now that everyone pray specifically for Zoe’s platelettes to be produced and function normally in his blood.  Also specifically pray that the fluid in his head reduce and the blood flow to his brain be restored and brain function return where it has been lost.  We are asking, and believe for God to do what medicine cannot do and what doctors cannot do.  We are thankful for the expertise of the doctors and nurses here, they have been wonderful and worked diligently to bring help and comfort to Zoe.  We have heard them say that there are things that are out of their hands, (but even so we know it is not out of God’s hands).   Words cannot express the praise we feel in our hearts for God.  Perhaps that’s what the hymn writer was feeling when he penned the words “Oh for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemers praise…”  

We will keep you posted as we write more later.  We love you all and appreciate your prayers.

2:15 AM Friday Day 19

The kids are asleep and I am about to go to bed myself.  I have been thinking about my life.  That may sound selfish, but my reflection was spawned from thinking about Zoe’s life.  Specifically I was thinking about the endless days I spent waiting at my high school in Alabama waiting on the bus to pick me up.  I remember sitting there in conversations with friends about God and His power.  I can honestly say that it was the passion that birthed there that kept me in church and lead me to where I am today.  How do we sum up our desires in this life.  Probably for most people it would be to just live a good life.  No one wants suffering, no one wants pain, no one wants loss.  There is a story I read in a book years ago called “The Barbarian Way” that tells of Robert the Bruce from Scotland.  If you saw Braveheart you’ll remember him as the man who basically betrays William Wallace.  The story goes that Robert was so moved by Wallaces conviction even in the face of death that he picked up the cause and fought for freedom.  It was Wallaces suffering that spurred Robert to fight.  The truth is that it is in suffering and loss that most of us stand in awe.  I can hear one great sermon after another and one great song after another, but let me see faith at work and I am challenged to be a better person.  Right now I see my son suffering and among the emotions of sorrow and hurting is a driving passion to be a better person with better priorities. 

Carmen and I have dedicated our lives not just to the idea of God or the idea of the Church, but to the advancement of God’s Kingdom for His glory.  It is a sweet notion to think about God being glorified first and foremost in any situation.  It is a difficult place to be to say, take everything and do whatever will bring You the most glory and best advance Your Kingdom.  What I am saying is that whatever God decides, this time in our lives is not and has not ever been about testing our faith in the existence of God.  Instead we are being tested in our conviction that any sacrifice that brings God glory is good.  I am standing on God’s Word believing for total and complete healing.  His word tells me to call out for it so I am, but I will not say that God’s will must be mine.  Instead I pray that my will can be His. 

Carmen and I love Zoe, even after just weeks, with the same love we have for Isaac and Katelyn.  We want the same great things for him.  It is our desire to see him grow up to love God and live a life that advances the kingdom.  Our greatest fear is that our kids would grow up not willing to give it all to Him.  That love keeps us fighting, it keeps us believing, it keeps us praying.  God is moving…. I feel it, I see it, I know it.

Thank You all for the continued words of encouragement, cards, gifts, and prayers. 

The kids and the Rowlands

12:30 PM Thursday Day 18

Carmen has been with Zoe a few times this morning.  She said Zoe is looking about the same.  I am spending some time with the Isaac and Katelyn and doing laundry and cleaning the room.  I am hoping to get back later today or at least tom to be able to see Zoe.  Days like today are just so long because there isn’t anything new.  Carmen and I were talking again today about some of the comments that some of you have left.  They are very encouraging and kind.  Thank you all.  I am expecting not to here too much today, but tom they will be re evaluating Zoe’s eyes.  I know God’s hand is at work in this situation.

12:10 AM Thursday Day 18

I am sorry for posting so late.  Katelyn and I are really fighting what seems to be a cold.  Today was stressful… Carmen went with to Vidalia for her 2 week check up, which went well.  (Also special thanks to Debbie Childers for running Carmen to that appointment.)  But it was tough for Carmen to be so far away.  I went to the meeting with the Dr.  It seemed to primarily be just a routine meeting to make sure we are all on the same page.  Zoe’s liver needs to get into gear to get his platelets on track and get rid of the jaundice.  This might happen naturally as they get him off of some of his I.V. fluids.  He has been digesting increased amounts of milk, which is really good for him.  And, although I haven’t seen it, I am told he has had several poopy diapers.  Carmen spent several hours with him today and held him for quite a bit.  She was noticing what a difference there is when we spend time with him.  I pray that I am well tom. so that I can go sit with him. 

I want to say that this is a very stressful situation, which may go without saying to most of you.  There are so many dynamics involved and it keeps us exhausted.  Though the doctors and nurses see the scienctific facts, we are looking for the spiritual facts.  These may line up in the end, only the Lord knows.  It is His word that keeps me praying for healing.  We trust God even in our weariness.  While our energy levels come and go we do not want to loose hope or faith.  As so many of you have so kindly noted, Zoe is in God’s hands.  I serve a living God, capable of doing anything.  He is limitless.  Thank you for the prayers, please continue.  Daniel prayed more than 20 days before he got answer he needed.  Why?  Because there was a great war happening in the heavens.  “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”  Ephesians 6:12  We don’t know what is happening in that realm, all we can do is pray, trust, and believe. 

2:10 PM Wednesday Day 17

I have been called to meet with the doctor at 3.  I’m not sure what all that will entale, but I will put together a post today.  So far today Zoe is very stable with his breathing.  His liver doesn’t seem to be functioning right at the moment, but hopefully that will change soon.  He is quite jaundice and they said they can’t do anything about this type of jaundice, it’s up to his liver.  Also the eye doctor is coming back Friday.  I assume they are looking for more damage, we are praying for healing.  I know that God is in control and that everything is in His timing. 

A video from today…

Also here are some pics…

There seems to a bug going around right now and Katelyn and I are both not feeling well. 

Thanks again for all of your prayers.

12:25 AM Wednesday Day 17

Once again I find myself up late.  Zoe has had a good day.  We got to hold hold him for a while today and I really enjoy getting to do that.  He is looking so much like Carmen, which means he is very good looking.  I just can’t really describe how much better he looks.  They have the catheter out of him and he is filling up diaper after diaper.  Which is so awesome.  They have moved him from 6cc of milk a feeding to 12cc’s.  Tomorrow we will find out how his blood is doing and whether or not he needs another transfusion.  Right now we are in just kind of day to day.  The best news is that its been almost 36 hours and he has not needed a resporator only oxygen.  He’s really fighting. 

I know I say this everytime I write, but I just keep praying for total healing.  I am asking God to bring healing to my son. 

Here are some pictures from today…

Here is Carmen singing to Zoe.  I want to say that Carmen is an amazing Mom.  Her strength through this has been amazing and inspiring.  I love her so much….

There are a ton more videos at www.youtube.com/shiftcommunity i just can’t put them all on here.

2:30 PM Tuesday Day 16

In just over an hour Zoe will have been off the resporator for 24hours.  My son, Isaac, was asking me why I keep praying so much.  I told him that I feel like I am at war for Zoe’s life.  And although the doctors reports aren’t good, I am still at war.  I explained that until he draws his last breath I will fight for him.  The only way that I have to do that is through prayer and worship.  I admit that everytime the doctors give a not so good report it gets harder to believe, but everyday I am amazed at the strength God’s mercy gives to me.  I still believe that God is capable, and that His word tells me to believe.  I still pray for the total healing of our son.  Thank you all for your continued faith.  Please be encouraged to continue to believe.  I know that God is at work.  He is doing things that I can’t yet speak of, but I see His hand at work in and through this situation.  I serve a living God who loves His children.

Here are some pics from yesterday… You can see such a change in Zoe’s appearance.